Those Winter Blues

What is it about this time of year? Every day is dark, cloudy, and gloomy. The weather lately has been filled with lots of cold and rain, adding to all the gloominess.

The warm, bright, happy sunshine seems so absent for so much of the days,...which explains why so many people have the winter blues.

I started to think I was the only one, and maybe it's something I go through every year at this time because of the weather, but then I read several other blogs from friends like this one and found out I'm not the only one feeling so glum and longing and dreaming for spring and summer to hurry up and get here!

Looking back at my blog from January last year I could see where I started to get into these down days then too.

As hard as I've been trying to keep my spirits up and remain optimistic, the truth is most days the thoughts about where in the world I'm going to find a job and solve this stress mess once and for all, are often not that far from my mind most of the time.

It doesn't help any that the news loves to report almost every night on the constantly increasing unemployment rate in Idaho and what new businesses instituted layoffs for the day.

I tried to pursue the idea of becoming an on-line instructor at UOP now that I've completed my master's, hoping that might be an option while I continue to look for work. But as it turns out you have to have completed your MBA at least 2 years ago in order to teach at the graduate level, and at the associate level they don't have any openings for the areas I could teach (math, statistics, accounting, business, economics, etc.) at this time.

I've heard absolutely nothing from all 7 of the jobs I applied for earlier this month and there haven't been ANY new openings to apply for lately.

I was in a meeting on Sunday with several people at church and one of the guys there mentioned his current internship working with the teens (a 3 yr. training/mentorship program) will be coming to an end in about 6-7 months from now.

He's currently in the process of trying to put feelers out there in the hopes of obtaining a full-time youth pastor position to transition to after this job is over, and he said he's not at the point of totally freaking out about that yet, but just thinking about how many completely unknown details about his life will be happening in just a few months is a really frightening thought!

So because that all sounds so scary (having no idea what job he'll have,...IF he'll have a job at all, and where in the world it will be and what changes it will bring to his life) he's asking for prayer for patience and faith in knowing that while he doesn't have these answers,...that in the meantime he'll have a strong enough faith to know that God has a plan for him and where his life will go.

As I listened to him speak about his job anxieties, my initial thoughts of how he feels so scared for the unknowns of the future and living with those haunting thoughts all the time were "welcome to the club!" And then when he mentioned he's earnestly trying to have a deeper faith and trust in God about the whole situation, my heart echoed those exact same thoughts!

I know I'm not alone in this situation, but that doesn't really change much for me, I still have to figure out something.

I've been tossing around the idea of opening my own etsy shop for several months now. It's an idea I've thought about countless times, over the past several years in fact, trying to figure out what in the world I would try to sell.

If you're not familiar with etsy, they're basically just like eBay except for all things handmade you could possibly imagine. You can check them out here, but be warned you could end up spending a LOT of time drooling over tons of handmade stuff you never knew you needed (and probably don't) but totally will end up wanting it now!

You basically open your own shop, design it, and sell whatever you want, as long as it's handmade. I have several friends who have etsy shops and they've made some money at it, but from what I've seen it's typically become just a little side, fun hobby where they can gain a little bit of pin money, but nothing really substantial enough to make all the work worth it.

Over the years I've tossed around a TON of different ideas for a shop of my own, even researching all the extreme details of what it would take to open a bake shop at one point, investigating all the rules and regulations, only to discover you have to have a whole separate 2nd kitchen in your home that's used exclusively for the business and inspected and meets all the food & health standards and regulations, health codes, etc.

There's only 1 kitchen in my home, so scratch that idea. And with all the big new regulations from the CPSIA related to safety in ensuring products for children do not contain dangerous amounts of lead (from paint, fabrics, etc.) that's got a lot of people already selling children's products really concerned about the future of their businesses.

After the past few months of spending a lot of my time being OVERLY crafty, I've tossed around numerous ideas for an etsy shop. And now I have 2 remaining reservations:

1 - I have absolutely NO interest in putting my family further in debt through purchasing a bunch of supplies, etc. in order to get any kind of business up and running.

2 - Every time I think about this idea it reminds me of just something desperate housewives would participate in to pass the time and give them some kind of fun hobby, or crafty outlet, that really doesn't make any real money.

And when I compare this little idea to my previous life as an accountant working in big corporate America, I'm a little embarrassed at the whole idea of it. I have a bachelor's in accounting and an MBA in technology management for crapping out loud! I should be able to find a really decent paying full-time job in accounting, or project management, or as a business analyst practically anywhere!

But instead I'm sitting at home toying with the idea of starting my own little on-line crafty shop like so many other SAHM's???!!! An idea my former colleagues would most likely laugh at.

[Side note: I'm not trying to put down the whole SAHM crafty business thing AT ALL, in fact most days I'm in pure awe of how incredibly talented so many women are, and equally in awe of the amount of items they've sold on etsy in just a few months time at prices I can't help but think are often purely, ridiculously high!

And I'm not trying to toot my own horn about my degrees and qualifications and sound really conceited, I'm just voicing some of the constant back and forth thoughts that run through my head most days as I try to reconcile why on earth I am this skilled and yet still can't find ANY job after more that 15 months of constant searching.

Plus after expressing my heart's desires so many times to never go back to work and continue to be here at home with my kids I'm trying to figure out if all of these thoughts are simply selfish little me throwing a pitty party about not being able to financially afford to stay home while my husband works and provides enough to make this whole conversation a non issue like it seems for so many of my friends...I don't want to act that way!]

I picked up IK from school yesterday (he stayed after to catch up on some homework) and as we drove to the store we talked about this whole dilemma. At which point he said to me mom, you've got an MBA now, you can make anything work!

Oh, how I love my children!

Which has led my thoughts (at least for today) to be more in favor of the idea of opening my own shop. I have no concerns about how to do all of the "business" type stuff associated with that, that part comes easy to me.

And lately I've been playing around with a bunch of new designs and ideas for items I think could actually sell really well,...but there's so many sellers on etsy already.

Plus I've never really ever thought of myself as a really crafty person, maybe because I'm usually just good at copying other people's ideas and recreating them, but not necessarily coming up with my own unique creations. So actually sitting down and sketching out my own designs, free hand drawing out and making my own stencils and turning them into actual stuff to sell is a pretty foreign area for me to dive into...I'm much more comfortable with doing all the behind the scenes strategic planning, and far less confident in my creative ideas.

I have plenty of craft supplies already at home, so to get started there would be virtually no upfront costs to at least try this idea out.

But then I'm torn with whether I should be spending my time trying to invest in this new idea, making several items to sell, or if I should be cherishing what time I have left here at home with KW and spending those moments with him?

Or could this actually be a feasible solution for me to find a way to make some income from home doing something I love that could actually help pay our bills gradually after I have time to build my business?

UGGGHHHHH!!!!! And the continuing argument goes on and on, back and forth, in my head!

I will say the new designs and prototype items I'm creating these days are much better than any of the cool stuff I made for Christmas, but I'm still lacking some confidence to just take the leap and give this a try.

Probably because I've already tried SO MANY other ideas for making money at home over the years that have all not worked...from direct Internet sales pushing cleaning products on all my family and friends...to buying junk at yard sales to resell on eBay...to dog breeding and actually birthing puppies in our garage of all things!

Could the constant battle in my brain be a tug of war between me trying to rationalize all of this in concrete accounting type ways that make me hesitant while God is trying to encourage me to have a deep enough faith to know that He has a plan for my life and maybe I should finally just go for it?

After all, God has a really long track record for taking people completely out of their comfort zones from what they're familiar with and would expect to do with their lives and instead gives them totally different things to do.

What do you think I should do? What would you do if you were in my shoes? Should I go for it? Or should I just be patient and keep filling out more job applications in the hopes that I'll find a job soon?